Magic!

I believe that my boobs have the power to heal. Let me explain...

So all day yesterday at work I kept getting pinched on my side and I couldn't figure out what it was. I thought at first that it was my chair, but no. Then I thought some weirdo was doing it, like he was hiding under my desk, but no. So I went to the bathroom and found that the wire in my bra had ripped through the fabric and was poking into my side. Pain the ass. I hate buying new bras, it takes forever. The rest of my day was spent trying to push the wire back in every few hours to stop the annoying pinching.

I went to dinner at my dads after work to survey what had been taken and presented my list of DVDs that I could remember us owning. (P.S. - My dad's house was robbed for anyone that didn't already know) And I kept on pushing the annoying wire back in over and over again.

I got home, and changed into my pjs (not even thinking about the bra). I always sleep with a bra on, because Tyra Banks says your boobs (if big enough) will get all saggy after years of sleeping with no bra -- and no thanks to that! So I fell asleep with the broken bra on, because I couldn't be bothered with getting up, changing my bra, then going back to bed.

I woke up this morning, did my usual routine -- contacts, brushing teeth, make up, etc. When I went to put my work clothes on, I took off my shirt and realized that "Oh yeah, gotta change my bra cause that annoying wire.". I looked down at the bra and I realized that the wire was no longer sticking out....in fact, the hole that the wire had ripped in order to poke through WASN'T EVEN THERE ANYMORE.

Now, I am currently in a state somewhere between shock, confusion and awe. How the fuck did this happen? Do my boobs possess the magic to heal bras? Did I get up in the middle of the night and go to the store to buy an exact replica of this bra and put it on in that sleepwalking/sleepbrabuying state?

Or?....is it the magic of Ohioooooo? I guess I'll never know.

Caution: Extreme Boredom may lead to annoying surveys...

I apologize in advance, I don't do surveys. But I am so god damn bored!!!

1. Where is the last place you held hands? Yesterday during practice, Deck is my BIATCH!
2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive? I would probably end up shooting myself in the foot by accident.
3. Do you sleep with the TV on? Hells no.
4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton? Abso-fucking-lutely.
5. Have you ever won a spelling bee? No, but I won a contest in 1st grade where you have to color in the American Flag -- still have my trophy.
6. What is your longest fight with one of your friends? Going on 2 months now!
7. Are you a fast typer? What? I was typing so fast I didn't get the questions. And, anyone can be a fast typer -- the question SHOULD be, are you good at typing fast with no spelling errors? Anyone can be like "skajraiweuthglaeuhgluwrhglauehglauieth -- whoa dude, I just typed that SO FUCKING FAST."
8. Are you afraid of the dark? Only if Voldemorts in the bed with me.
9. Do you like someone right now? Ya, your mom.
10. What ended your last relationship? Me -- having the awesome talent of fucking other dudes. NBD.
12. Do you knock on wood? Yes, and if there isn't any around, I knock on my head! And P.S. I'm scratching my head right now wondering where question 11 went.
13. Are you drinking anything right now? Water, from my OHIOOOOOOOOOOO mug. Not really, but I wish I had my mug.
14. Do you think you're smart? Duh.
15. Have you ever been in love? Yes...booooo
16. Do you miss someone right now? Chainsaw!!! And some derby girls, I haven't seen them in 12 hours.
17. What do you want for Christmas? A KEEPON!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3g-yrjh58ms
18. Do you know the muffin man? No, but I do know the muff man...ew. that was gross, I don't know him.
20. Do you remember your 1st crush? Yes! (Guess question #19 wasn't important either)
21. Have you ever flown a kite? What are you a communist?! Who HASN'T flown a kite?!
22. When was the last time that you went swimming and where? I honestly don't remember, thats sad -- I think last summer?
23. Do you consider yourself successful? Oh ya -- I'm famous and all.
24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone? I have NO ide, maybe around 75?
25. Have you ever asked for a horse? Horse? No. Pony? Definitely.
26. Plans for 2MORROW? Um trying to not kill myself with the horrendous spelling of "tomorrow". No but really going to the PRD bout to route on my fantastic Burnin' Helen!!
27. What did you do this past weekend? OOOOOOOOOOHIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
28. Miss being at school right now? Not. At. All.
29. When's the last time you told someone you loved them? This morning, talking to Burnin' Helen
30. Do you want to be single? Actually, yeah!
32. Who's your hero? Samuel Bert, google it, you'll know why.
33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school? Suspended for 1/2 a day. Yessssss...I'm a bad ass!
34. What are you looking forward to? The next time the Pissahs play
35. If you could be stranded with one person for 24 hours, who would it be? Well I know who it wouldn't be. David Hasslehoff. Probably Spite, cause we're such dickwagons together that it would be a fun 24 hours. OH WAIT. We were stranded together for 120 hours! Yessssssssss!
38. Can you handle the truth? Unless the truth is why there are so many questions missing from this survey, then no.
39. Do you like green eggs and ham?? I might have been inclined to say "yes", if you didn't push me with that extra question mark... so the answer is NO.
40. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places? My pachach, cell phone, sarcasm
41. Any cool scars? I have one on top of my right hand from where a girl scratched me when I tried to steal a strawberry out of her lunch box (3rd grade). Appendix scars are pretty cool now too. So, yes -- I have many awesome scars that I'm proud of!
42. Are you missing in action??? Get the fuck out of my life, asswagon.
44. What's your deepest secret? I saw Riverdance when I was 12.
45. How often do you talk on the phone? At work? A lot. Regular life? Not a whoooole lot.
46. Do you believe in love? Eh, I guess.
47. Is there something you want that you can't have? Um, who doesn't?
49. When was your last time you cried? Hmm...about 3 weeks ago?
50. Who did you last hug? Claire D. Way -- we missed each other.
51. Do you get along with your family? Immediate family, my 2 aunts and my Grammy -- the rest can go to hell.
52. Where is your phone? On my desk!
53. What was the last thing you ate? Kit Kat bar. I'm not ashamed!
54. Favorite color? Gimme a break. And I'm not just saying that cause my last answer was a Kit Kat Bar...I mean seriously, this question is retarded.
55. Last movie you saw? Hairspray with Momma Feevs -- she was embarrassed when I started dancing in the theater.
56. What song are you listening to? Theme from Edward Scissorhands (listening to Beethoven.com -- it makes me not want to kill people at work)
57. What do you want? A real vacation!
58. Favorite car? Just got a brand new Nissan Versa, that's pretty up there.
59. What T.V. show are you watchin? Um, I'm at work. How dare you insinuate that I would not be doing something professional...oh wait. Doing a survey. Hmph.
60. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Momma Feevs about how we're going to see Lewis Black Labor Day weekend!!! I'll get in on that. (I even got her to say "Like ya do!") <3

Important Massacre Stats

Number of games played: 1

Number of portraits of the drunken Twin Riot: 1

Amount of time it took for our room to look like a bomb went off: 10 minutes

Number of Jello shots consumed in 1 evening: at least 40

Number of times Claire D. Way pushed Fevah out of her chair: 2

Number of age bets Fevah won: 1 ("He's lying...he's still 12.")

Number of times the Massacre actually went out into the light of day: 4

Amazing quotes from QSand: too many to count

Number of times hotel staff were told off by Fevah: 2

Number of times Lady E was worn: 0

Number of times Spite insulted Fevah but followed up with an "OHIOOOOOO!!": 34,589

Time spent at Fame's Breakfast Diner: approximately 5 hours

Fried food consumed: Enough to make a large elephant puke

Blankets stolen from Spite: 1, on numerous occasions

Number of times we almost vomited from watching a certain Philly player making out with her husband: 1

Number of times the announcers mentioned Quidditch from Harry Potter: 1

Number of injuries received while on the plane: 2 (Buse's head and Fevah's tooth after eating the animal crackers provided)

Number of actual Riots in Columbus: 1 (Twin Riot not included)

Number of beers brought into Battelle Hall in Spite's messenger bag: 16

Number of awkward moments while riding in the elevator: Everytime we took an elevator.




The following list is in regards to phrases that were spoken, and how many times:


"D-wagon": 987,658

"What the WTF": 4,587

"OHIOOOOOOOOOOOOO": Not enough times for it to get old.

"I'll get in on that": Not nearly enough times.

"No really guys, I'm not mad!": 5 (all from Q Sand when Spite and I kept coming to the room either drunk or just loud and obnoxious)

"You know what's great? 2 percocets and a beer.": 1

"GET IN THE GAME, ASS WAGON!!": 1

"Are these your pants or my pants?" "Mine." "....are these your socks or my socks?" "I think mine...": 1

I'm sure there are many MANY things that I have obviously left out because besides getting our asses beat by 5 measly points in overtime against Detroit -- I had a fucking phenomenal time in Ohio. Don't get me wrong, I'm psyched to be home, but the Massacre definitely had a doozy of a time this weekend.

You just flat-tired me!

This annoys me.

As I was walking into work this morning, I noticed that one of the many nerdy researchers was so close behind me -- it was like he was actively trying to get up my ass. So I open the first door and hold it for him (which isn't hard because he's so damn close to me) and as I open the second door to get into the actual lobby, he fucking steps on the back of my foot.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Are you THAT excited to get into work that you are willing to fucking trample anyone in your way?! Gimme a break. Honestly. And not even an apology! In reaction to all this, I just stopped walking abruptly and this moron ran into me completely -- That's how close he was STILL. I turned around and say "Excuse you, asshole." (which was probably lost on him cause there are maybe 7 people in the building that speak English fluently). He gave me this wicked scared look and literally ran to the elevator. What a bitchbag.

What the WTF?

Why is it that guys come out of the woodwork when you least expect it?

In the last 2 weeks, I had 1 guy at the grocery store check out aisle try to start up a conversation which then lead to him wanting to go out with me and THEN (this is my favorite)...2 guys who I showed my apt to in the hunt for roomies (who both declined the room)asked me out on dates. One to the symphony, the other just out for a romantic dinner. Sorry, I have a boyfriend....and his name is Roller Derby.

But honestly, it's not that these things don't interest me -- you all know how much I love food and classical music. I'm just not in the mood to get into yet another relationship. Commitment? No thanks. I have enough of that, move on.

Ohio is slowly creeping up and that means...I have to fucking pack! As long as I don't get put through the bomb detecting machine again, I should be ok. Aaaaaaaaaand I get to watch Spite on drugs -- I'll have to buy a disposable camera for that shit. I also will have to come up with a repertoire of songs to lull her into relaxation if said drugs don't have a full effect. Suggetions are welcome.

I'm a walking & talking science project.

After coming home from the Bus Stop Pub (where I had the bejesus scared out of me thanks to Dire Straights and his "Sultans of Swing"), I had to hop in the shower due to yet another smelly, sweaty, humid Pissah practice.

As I was looking in the mirror (as all girls do before they get into the shower), I looked at the smallest of the 3 incisions from my appendix surgery and realized it hadn't fully scarred over yet. In fact, it looked like the scab was about ready to fall off. So I picked at it, like a retahd and felt something prick me -- not like a needle or anything as sharp, but it was definitely the edge of something. I then proceeded to pull a piece of clear plasticy string out of the incision. It comes to my attention that maybe, just maybe, my stitches are still in the incisions from my surgery well over a month ago.

I thought that I had received dissolvable stitches. And even though I was a little curious as to why my incisions were still red, I just assumed that these things took time. I also thought, that if I needed to go back to get stitches out -- that they would be black. So I can only assume at this point that my body (as finicky as it is) instead of rejecting these dissolvable stitches and breaking them down (like it's supposed to), it has welcomed them with open cells and they are now residing in my body forever. I'm considering finding a way to take them out myself -- orrrrrr I could just call my PCP and ask if she can take them out. Probably the latter, seeign as I would probably try to cut my other incisions open with a nail clipper or something similar and get gangreen and die. That's my luck!

Also...

**Update on car findings**

I forgot to mention that I also found my autographed picture of Bob Villa that I got for my birthday from my friend Denise a few years ago.

Oh Bob Villa....you're so dreamy.

Lots of Shtuff.

Yesterday was the day I ended up cleaning out my Saturn in order to drop it off to the Dealership without them saying 'Hey, I don't want all this crap!'

Here is what came from this (all of which were in LARGE black trash bags):

-2 bags of trash
-1 bag of clothes (including 4 pairs of derby socks I thought I lost, part of my Massacre uni, 3 sweaters, 1 pair of pants, 2 scarves, a hat, a pair of gloves, etc.)
-3 car jacks (why would I only have 1? That's ordinary.)
-my music stand and music bag
-2 bags of completely random items, some of which I would like to keep, others I'm not even going to take a wild guess as to how they got there.

*Some of these items include: 2 bobbleheads - a cat and a frog that has Amanda's picture in it, a VHS copy of Return of the Jedi, a 1986 North Andover Yearbook (I was 2 in 1986 by the way...), NUMEROUS pictures from my high school graduation and the party that followed, a employee handbook from Dunkin Donuts from 5 years ago, a framed picture of Jeff King aka Sully tha Gully sitting on another mans lap (the idea behind this I later realized was they were both in wearing camoflauge clothes, Jeff was wearing a coat, while the other guy was wearing pants....they were the "Upper" and "Lower" GI for Halloween...yeah I know), my early high school marching band jacket -- which conveniently folded into itself to form a little pouch, 6 balls of yarn with 2 sets of knitting needles, a number of notes that had been left on my windsheild at one point, and about $5.78 in change.

There were plenty more things, but honestly...2 whole bags?! What the hell.

My resolution is to keep this new car clean -- well, as clean as I can. As I dropped the Saturn off this morning, I felt almost remorse -- it's been a pretty good car. And I'll definitely miss it sometimes, but I am on to bigger and better things.

But I do LOOOOOOOVE my new car. Pictures to come of me in it. Maims will officially be the first passenger in my new car tomorrow, and she'll have a camera. Yayyeeeee!