Granted, being at a townie bar -- you can't expect much of anything...manners, in particular. Actually, the only thing you CAN come to expect, is that 311 or DMB will be played at some point on the jukebox. So, this is partially my fault for being sucked into such a haneous place. But I can't help it, the people-watching is phenomenal. It's wicked addicting.
Guys? I know that there are MILLIONS of things you're dying to know about us ladies. And no worries, I'm here to help out with a few things that may, in return, help you. I know, I know, I'm too nice. Maybe one day in the future, you can return the favor by letting us ladies know why you're such retards sometimes.
But enough of the slander, let's get down to some main points on: How NOT to pick up women.
1.) Don't compliment a woman on something (in my case, tattoos) then, when you think she is out of earshot, follow it up with "She also has a killer rack...but I didn't want to say that to her face cause I think she could kick my ass." .... Just because I'm in the bathroom doesn't mean I'm in the Fortress of Solitude. It's a wooden door. I can hear you. Assholes.
*And yes, I have a nice rack...and YES, I could kick your ass. Just wanted to clear that right up.*
2.) When a group of women are sitting at a table, and the bar is getting crowded...don't take that as an excuse to stand within a 2 inch radius, ass facing us. It's not cool or sexy, it's just fucking gross.
3.) Please, for the love of God, DON'T continuously tell me that Hootie and the Blowfish are the best band that has ever existed on Earth. Sure, I fall victim every once and a while to "Hold My Hand" when there's not a whole lot on the radio, but really? The BEST band ever? I highly doubt that. And the "census" you took at the bar, stating that 80% of the people in there LOVES H & the Blowfish? Bullshit. I found at least 10-15 people who breathlessly said they'd rather kill their mother than listen to it.
3A.) To follow up on #3, and I use this phrase a lot in my life...What about me says 'approachable'?!?!? Seriously, I don't understand why men think it's ok to come up and stand within 1 inch of my face or even worse, touch me. I don't even liked to be touched by people I know most of the time, let alone drunken strangers. Give me my space. Don't grab my hand and serenade me with your Hootie and the Blowfish's "Let her Cry" and attempt to brush the side of my face with your beer (and god knows what else) covered hand...you're asking for a punch in the eye.
4.) Don't spill your beer halfway down my back, then tell me I'm a crazy bitch because I didn't react "nicely". Who the fuck is getting half a beer spilt on them and saying "Thank you sir, may I have another?" For christ sakes, be a gentleman and get me a fucking towel or napkin.
For now, these are the best tips I can offer you. Unless you're looking for a woman who is void of intelligence and has been living under a rock for the past century...then I would suggest doing any of those things. Cheers.
