You're Kidding Me.

It's one of those work days where you know that nothing is really going to get done. I mean, every once and a while you stop gchatting and pick up some papers and look like you're doing work -- but really, you're thinking about the weekend and where your ruffle butt panties are and 'crap! is my uniform balled up on the floor all wrinkly? Or is it hung up?'

That being said, I'm at work emailing back and forth with what seems like the dumbest woman in creation. Here is a bit of the exchanges.

Her: "I need a setup for a conference room."

Me: "Ok, what room do you have and what setup do you need, what date/time, and how many people?"

Her: "Tables everywhere. 9/27 5-9pm."

Me: "Ok, so classroom set up? How many people are attending?"

Her: "Do you have table cloths? Do you have round tables?"

Me: "No, you would need to order through the BWH Catering for round tables with table cloths. Let me know if you would rather order these tables, if not, let me know how many people are atteding your meeting so I can have the guys set up enough chairs."

Now, it's not going to be all that surprising when you learn the actual name of this woman.

Princess Welcome.

Oh yes, you heard me right. Some man and woman honestly thought that this would be a suitable name for a child. And not only is the name funny in itself, what's MORE funny, is that whenever I receive and email from this person, it comes in labeled "Welcome, Princess" which makes me feel like I'm being greeted for a special occasion. But no. I'm just opening up a new email enraging me with some stupid ass question.

So this prompted me to google other stupid names and I found this article:

This from The Associated Press:

Sports fan names newborn son ESPN

BILOXI, Miss. - Leann Real promised her husband, an avid sports fan, that if they ever had a son he'd get to pick the name. ESPN Montana Real was born this week at Biloxi Regional Medical Center. Rusty Real, of D'Iberville, chose ESPN (pronounced Espen) after the sports network and Montana after football legend Joe Montana.

Seriously? Seriously. This shit needs to end.

The Biggest Loser.

I believe that I am the biggest loser for watching this show and thanking God (that I don't believe in) that I don't weigh that much --- yet.

Don't get me wrong, I love the show and what it stands for. And I fully repsect anyone who is willing to be on national television wearing a sports bra and spandex capris. There are definitely parts of the show that make me feel like more of a fat kid -- oh, like how the trainers are 80 lbs a piece soaking wet. Oh, and how they show the amount and different kinds of food each contestant eats in any given week and I

But my favorite part of this show is what I do to justify myself. What I do to justify me eating that bowl of Corn Pops. I watch these people literally bust their asses in a gym EVERYDAY for, what I can only assume 4-6 hours a day, and I think: Well, if these people can work out that much for that many hours a day...the least I can do is work out during the commercial break. Yes, that's right. According to my skewed view on life, me doing push-ups and crunches for a 5-6 minute commercial break every 15 minutes is equal to these contestants working out for, lets say, 25 hours a week.

These people lose up to 30 pounds in 1 week -- I lose almost nothing and reward myself with a popsicle.

Totally the same.

Crocs

I hate them.

I hate them on children.

I hate them on adults.

I hate them on EVERYONE.

Seriously, fuck you crocs. You're not good for anything.

Here's a picture of a BRIDE wearing crocs.

NOT OK.

This is just sad.

STOP IT.

YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN.

Ummm....

NO NO NO NO NO.

Cruelty to animals...

Make it stop.

As you can see, I could go on forever in my hatred towards this ridiculous shoes. If you own a pair....don't bother trying to be my friend

Just please. For my sanity, don't buy these ugly piece of shit. Ever.

A Night at Hampton Beach.

Truly magical.

I'll never quite understand the inner workings of Hampton Beach. Sure, there was a time where I enjoyed going up there and driving around in circles for hours hoping to be one of the coolest kids on the block. But now, all I can see is the hundreds of teeny boppers wearing shorts that are way too short, shirts that are way too tight and supremely inappropriate shoes (INCLUDING, Crocs. I fucking hate those pieces of shit shoes). I can't imagine ever looking like that.

As I was there Saturday night with my mother, her friend and her coworker I found myself in a plethora of meatheadedness. I felt like every time I turned around, there was some guy with spiked hair in too-tight jeans and a polo (popped up collar) shirt looking at me. I'm not sure if it's because they thought I was attractive or simply because I just looked out of place -- I'm willing to bet the latter. But NOTHING was as ridiculous as the guy I happened to sit next to at the Lewis Black show. It was this 20s something guy that looked as if he was almost a full-blown sword kid. At first, he made just random small talk which I happily returned -- because you have to sit so damn close to people, that I don't like pissing off my neighbors. And after a few drinks I didn't mind his rambling so much...but there was 1 comment that just literally made me laugh outloud.

"Are you like, a Bettie Page look-a-like?"

What gave it away? My long black hair? My red lipstick I was wearing? The whip I happened to have in my purse? Wait...no, that didn't happen. In a way, I am obviously flattered. But it just makes me laugh that this guy just randomly said that. Even my mom was like "Ummm. What?" And don't get me wrong, I'm glad I have a better look to me now as opposed to middle/high school/post high school where I happened to go through numerous trends (all of which were bad) and numerous hair colors (all of which were HIDEOUS).

I guess this post just stems back to the whole "Guys are up my butt when I don't want them to be" post. I will state yet once again (adding a key adjective by Maims): "I already have a boyfriend -- an abusive one at that. And his name is Roller Derby."

P.S. - Fall is here basically, and that means APPLE PICKINZ at Collidahs -- watch out Lunenberg folk, the Pissahs are coming!