Check The Date.

It's November 6th, assholes.

Who the fuck said it was ok to start playing Christmas music on 2 of my favorite radio stations?! I don't even understand how it's possible. I was just driving to work, minding my own business, when I turn to WROR, 105.7 and I hear Burl Ives' rendition of "Holly Jolly Christmas". Go fuck yourselves 105.7. So then, I switch the channel to WODS 103.3 (Oldies, for those of you who would like to mock) and I hear Elvis' "Blue Christmas". I literally almost drove my car into the ditch in the median of 93. I would rather have gotten into a horrible disfiguring car wreck than come to terms with the fact that Christmas music was already being played 24 hours a day on 2 radio stations. And the scarier thing? More stations will follow suit pretty soon. Soon, all I'll have to listen to is the pathetic thing I call a "cd collection" (consisting of a few Disney cds and 3 cds Deck-Her has made for me in the past 3 years. Because nothing quiet says class as driving 90mph singing "Hakuna Matata" or Usher's "Yeah").

Now, I've come to accept the fact that Christmas candy and decorations are displayed at malls and convenience stores around the country in about mid-September. And I'm somewhat ok with that. I just walk on by pretending like it's not happening. Denial may just be a river in Egypt for me. But just because these stores are insane, shouldn't mean that I should have to be forced into listening to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and all that bullshit 2 FUCKING MONTHS before the actual holiday. It's just plain torture.

So I'll apologize to the Christmas lovers out there (ahem cough cough Miss Mary Smack wheeze cough) because I know some people are excited to listen to these songs and get in the spirit of the holidays and all that shit. But for me, I plan on finishing my fucking Halloween candy, congratulating my father for finding a gravy boat to use at Thanksgiving that keeps the gravy warm with a tea light that sits underneath it and listening to Emerson's 88.9 independent radio on my way to work, so I don't go postal this year. Or at least...not too early.